Ryen & Ann: This Sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Divorce is rough and even if it's the right decision for your family it still is so painfully hard. Ryen spent 4th of July with her father and it was my first holiday as a single woman. I did have some dear friends that invited me to spend the day with them whom I am eternally grateful for. But the whole weekend I had this ache in the pit of my stomach because I missed my Ryen. We are navigating through this joint custody thing and this week has been really hard. I think both of us as parents have to put away our egos and stubborness and do what's best for our child. Sometimes in the heat of an argument this isn't the easiest thing to remember.
My emotions have been so raw this week and I have found myself close to tears constantly. If any of my friends came to me pondering divorce I would encourage them to do everything they can to save their marriage before it had to go there. It really feels like a death
I have to give props to all of the single moms out there who don't have a father who is involved. How do they do it? I am very fortunate that Ryens father would take her every day if I let him. But the time I have with her is just us and it's entirely exhausting. I can no longer say go ask your dad or wait till your dad hears about this. This has forced Ryen and I to become a lot closer and I do treasure the time especially since she does leave me.
Life is so hard and it seems like I only learn after I take these hard falls. I miss him but I don't miss what we allowed our marriage to turn into. Sometime there is no turning back.
I've heard that when you are down you should write down what you are grateful for so here goes:

parents who are so supportive no matter what road I drag them down

cousin in Cali who is my voice of reason and answers his phone at any hour

BFF Nancy whom has stuck by me for so long and I am proud to say that our friendship is stronger then ever

dearest friend in SLC Natalie and her family who have taken me in and treated me like one of there own

job and coworkers; they have all been so understanding and caring

A safe home for Ryen and I with the dearest neighbors

Good health...knock on wood

New beginnings; I am so very grateful to live in a country where it is possible to start over and reinvent yourself

My heavenly father whom I know watches over me and gives me the strength to get through the hard things

And last but certainly not least is the light of my life Ryen Midori

I am grateful for her strong spirit. She isn't the sportiest or flashiest kid but she's my kid and I love her just the way she is. She is the reason I wake up in the morning and I strive to be a better person. I pray that she can make it through this time without to many scars and I would give anything to keep her heart from breaking. She asked me last week why daddy and I couldn't do fireworks together with her and I replied that they would not be nice fireworks. She is such a sweet and gentle child and has taught me that everbody is not the same and to appreciate people for their differences.